Pause. Take a deep breath. Observe your emotions, your anxiety and tension. Relax them by simply breathing.
For a long time I was resistant and didn’t understand ‘how one can think that simply breathing is enough to calm oneself down in the midst of a tantrum?!’. ‘We definitely need more than that to work with our emotions!’. ‘Stop irritating me, breathing certainly won’t help me!’ 😀.
It turns out that deep work with emotions looks very different for me than whatever my Mind imagine(d). Since I have delved into the Venus Sequence I am discovering a place within myself that lies beyond my thoughts (beside? under? above?). And indeed, it is only a pause and a deep breath that allows me to stop the stream of thoughts enough to create a gap, a narrow passage into this silent, open, deep, starry inner space. With each breath the passage widens and eventually I reach a place where I can rest, cool down and observe.
Once I manage to start observing sadness, anger, joy, dissatisfaction, euphoria, discouragement… The Mind tries to creep in again. My lovely, creative mind tries to help me work with my emotions by building stories, scenarios, excuses, turning points. “Yes, it was in this situation that this emotional pattern emerged!; See, that’s when it started!; Here! And here!; How is it still here?!; Maybe here? No, I think that’s a new subject for another time…“. Before I know it, my thoughts have already pulled me back from my quiet sanctuary, straight to the agitated surface of my being. If I’m having a good day, I realize that and I get another try, starting from the top. I take a deep breath, one, two, three, relax my shoulders, my belly, my chest, reopen the passage and sink back into the stellar silence. If I have a bad day, then… I stay in my sweet self-pity and “since, it’s already started then, that means I’ve already wasted half my life and there’s no point in doing anything about it”. “Period”. 😀
[ My IQ is the 36th Gene Key (Turbulence – Humanity – Compassion) – if I get into its shadow frequency I just love to dance in all the drama, hysteria, turbulent feelings and stories. At this point, my EQ – the 16th Gene Key (Indifference – Versatility – Mastery) – joins the party enveloping me with a rigid indifference and I just “won’t do anything about it because we’re all doomed and there is nothing to do” 😀 Perfect duet, taken straight from my private, inner, ever-evolving soap opera! ]
I had planned to describe the successive Gene Keys we go through during the Venus Retreat, but since we came out of the Attraction Sphere, my contemplation has completely shifted to an inner space where there are no words = no thoughts. I don’t feel like reading or writing about the gene keys. Emotions emerge and flow through me, I observe them and I discovered that at this point the biggest trap is to try to understand what is happening, trying to build a logical sequence, to trace and write down a cause and effect, verbalising what I am experiencing.
The mind creates stories around emotions – let it create it, that’s its role. The key is not to get too attached to its storytelling. Stories are just impressions, interpretations that may change depending on the mood. When they occur, it’s worth trying to detach the story from the underlying emotions. Let the two separate streams – the stream of thoughts and the stream of emotions – emerge from this one agitated, entangled stream hidden in the story. And then, let them both flow freely, each in its own direction, preferably – out of your system 😉
Embodiment – I don’t need to figure it all out!
This is new to me. It turns out that I don’t have to understand everything. It turns out that I can heal my emotional life without digging out and naming all the specific causes and effects. Perhaps this is what this mythical embodiment is all about. We may not know. We do not need to explain. We may not find out “why?”. We can let the emotion flow through the body without tensing with trying to stop and fix it. We can breathe. We can trust.
When I anchor myself in Trust and still my mind, the emotions flow in the form they need to, they can heal themselves as long as I give them enough space to do so without interfering, without trying to catch them in order to understand, to analyse them under the microscope of my inquisitive Mind.
When this succeeds and the emotions flow away, returning to their source, there is a relaxation inside and space is opening for something new, for another experience. Perhaps a less turbulent one this time?
Knowing that there is a space within us that we can trust calms me down, gives me hope. I believe it is necessary to find a path to this space in the crazy times we live in. A constant stream of information, misinformation, interpretations, opinions, conflicting ideas. All feeding our thoughts. So what is it really like? What to do? How to react? Who to believe?
Trust Yourself. Just not the ‘self’ who you think you are. The one you are when you stop thinking about yourself.
